Listening To: Eye of the Tiger by Survivor
Guess who just got her Wisconsin Drivers License changed over to Minnesota?! And only one year over the deadline! Who rules? I do, that's who!
I don't know if most of you know this, but even if you spent the entire summer of your sophomore year in Drivers Ed studying about Minnesota driving laws so you could get your VERY FIRST license EVER in Minnesota, you still have to take the Knowledge Test again if you move away and then come back. Personally, I don't think that's any way to welcome back one of your own into the fold, Minnesota. I don't see you requiring me to take a knowledge test on the taxes that you're super eager to give to me, but whatever, I guess.
However, I can now stand behind this somewhat since I not only passed the test with 100% PERFECTION but also, in fact, gained some very valuable knowledge from the Driver's Manual, which I will now share with all of you.
Valuable Tips from the Minnesota Driver's Manual
Horn
"Your motor vehicle must have a working horn. Bells, sirens, and whistles are not horns and may be used only by emergency vehicles. Use your horn when necessary to avoid a crash. Don't honk unnecessarily. Avoid honking for purposes such as announcing your arrival."
** Hear that, dickwads? "Avoid honking for purposes such as announcing your arrival". That means that maybe next time - even though I know it's excruciatingly exhausting for you - maybe get to the fuck out of your car, walk up to her door, and ring the fucking doorbell. The DMV gets it. I don't see why you don't.
Following Firefighting Vehicles
"Only vehicles traveling on official emergency business are allowed to follow within 500 feet of any firefighting vehicle making an emergency run. Do not drive over an unprotected fire hose, unless you are directed to do so by a law enforcement officer or fire department official."
** Now, you know they wouldn't have put this in here unless this had become an actual, recurring problem that the DMV felt the need to directly address to the general Minnesotan population. Which makes it really fun to think about the morons who make it hobby to follow firetrucks and drive over fire hoses.
Watch For Pedestrians
"Watch for blind pedestrians who may be carrying a white or metallic cane or using a guide dog. If a blind pedestrian is waiting at the crosswalk, do not use your horn or rev your engine, as this may distract the pedestrian or guard dog."
** I have nothing to say about this. It says it all for itself.
Bicycle Laws
"Bicyclists are not allowed to impede the normal and reasonable movement of traffic."
** Ahem.
Distracted Driving
Distractions inside the vehicle can include activities such as cell phone use, eating and drinking, adjusting the radio, talking to other passengers, and reading maps and other material. Even when you are watching the road, behaviors such as looking at a crash scene, or even daydreaming, can divert attention from your responsibilities as a driver. For safety, make sure you give the task of driving your full attention at all times.
** Hear that, Redirt? Daydreaming about me while driving your pink Mini Cooper could endanger yourself and others on the road.
*** Also, they forgot to mention roadhead. Have the authors of the DMV not heard of that one story of the guy who was getting roadhead while he was driving? The one who got so excited/distracted that he crashed into a tree, the impact of which decapitated his girlfriend with the steering wheel and castrated himself on her teeth? I use that story all the time to warn suitors and boyfriends of the dangers of roadhead. I would think the DMV would maybe want to do that same thing, being as they're so concerned for both the safety of the driver and the passenger.
Carrying a Projecting Load
** I'm sorry. I didn't get past the title long enough to injest the advice the DMV offers for those of you who are carrying projecting loads AHAHAHAHA!
It would be a little overkill for me to cite all the passages, but I did notice that almost every single thing that I read about passing, making a turn, merging, or exiting mentioned how important - and in fact, legal - it is to use your turn signal. Seriously, assholes, it takes a second to flip the switch and alert the drivers around you that you're going to make a change in your direction or lane. Don't be the douchebag I have to flip off on 94 because you almost caused a three car accident by not signaling that you were merging into the lane that everyone else was about to merge into, too. And I will flip you off. Also, I will probably insult your character as well as make you feel badly about fucking your mom.
So don't forget, folks: As Question 15 on the Knowledge Test - which I ACED - stated, driving is a privilege that can be lost if you fail to take it seriously. So even though I might make racing car sounds as I cruise around turns or imitate what my car would sound like if it were a manual instead an automatic when I'm accelerating on an entrance ramp, I take my rights and responsibilities as a driver seriously.
Next up: Renewing the plates and tabs that have been expired for almost two years...
4 Unicorn Trapper-Keepers:
I moved here in February 2004 and just last winter got Minnesota plates, but they aren't official because I forgot to give them my original title for the car. Don't even get me started on what it took to get a MN license.
In all seriousness, everyone really really needs to change their plates right away because it's a huge fine not to and, more notably, out of state, out of date plates are used by assholes to dodge child support. You don't want to be assumed to be one of those assholes.
And we'll just leave the projecting load joke be.
The fine is actually not that huge. I've paid it.
But yeah, it's important to change your plates, get your license changed over, etc. I just love how they require you to do that within 90 days, but will only let you take the test at certain centers which are only open from 8-4:30 M-F, which means that normal people would have to take a day off work to stand in line for hours, take a test and do paperwork, and then still not get their actual license for 3-4 weeks. Sweet...jump right on that.
That's your public employee union for you. I particularly enjoyed how I had to have original - NOT copies - documents proving my birth and citizenship, but the next guy in line got to take his test right away with an interpreter. Not trying to be an asshole, but I'm just sayin'.
In any event, doesn't it feel cool to be an official Minnesotite?
As a firefighter, I can say that it's not only a common problem for people to NOT give right of way to emergency vehicles, but to actually follow them like they are coming with to help out. I've had cars tailgate me while driving lights and sirens for miles then turn off at the grocery store. As for driving over firehoses...if you are in your vehicle driving THROUGH a working fire scene, you REALLY took a wrong turn somewhere.
Flame On!
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